Truly Connecting With People

Most people when they are out networking and meeting people are talking with them on a surface level, not really connecting with them.  Usually they will try to see what they can get from the relationship and not  looking for long term relationships.  What if you could get 3 times the benefit by truly connecting with people and not trying to pitch them on anything up front?

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How to truly connect with people

When I first began really working on connecting with people I learned a lot of course from the classic book by Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends And Influence People, but one person that I believe is a true connector and the best 21st century teacher of connecting and influence is Bob Burg.  I feel blessed to have been able to get to know him a little better this year, by attending his Influence event in Phoenix and having lunch with him along with Joe Polish and several other at this amazing event.  I feel really honored to have him as a guest on my podcast project 212.  We have plans to have him back on to talk more on this topic in November, you will be able to register for soon.

1. Find common ground.

Its proven that we do business with those we know, like and trust.  Its also known that we like people who are like us.  I am not suggesting you act like someone you are not, if we care enough about the other person we can find common ground with anyone we meet.  I like to do this by asking questions about the environment we are both in, common locations or professions.

Let’s say you are on vacation in California and you are from New York and you casually meet someone in the line at the movies and they mention you mention you are from New York, then they get a big smile and say, “really!? I’m from New York”…there’s an instant bond that is made.  Well how can you do this if you are meeting people in your local area?

Let’s say that same situation, you meet someone and they say, I just moved here from New York and you have a sister that lives there, when you tell them my sister lives in New York you are still finding common ground with them, be sure to turn the conversation back to them and ask more questions about why they moved, etc.  You’ll find the conversation flows naturally and a connection is made.


 2. Talk about their interests

People are always more interested in their life, situation, family, business, situation than ours.  If you come across that person with common ground, quickly turn the conversation back to them.  People are most interested in talking about their favorite subject, themselves.
In Dale Carnegies famous book, How To Win Friends And Influence People, which totally changed my life after I read it and I recommend it to everyone, he says to make friends we should let people talk about what’s interesting to them, make them feel important and do it sincerely

3. Ask questions and listen

Do your best to be asking questions 80% of the time and talking 20%, this will not only make the other person really like you, this is probably be the first time anyone has cared this much about what is going on in their life all month, and for some…all year.  I’m not exaggerating  think about when did someone really dig deeper and ask you how you are doing, what’s going on in your life, what’s really going on?  Probably doesn’t happen to much, and when it does that person really has an impact on you.

I make an effort to do this every day, I want to make a positive impact on everyone I meet and I really don’t expect anything in return, that’s the best part.  This is how you attract and influence people.  As easy as this sounds and even if you decide to put this into practice today it’s not easy, they natural reflex when someone asks us about ourselves is to ramble on and on.

The challenge, if you are up for it, is to meet someone new and be curious about them asking questions and learning all about them without saying anything about yourself unless they ask, you’ll be surprise how open and interesting people are, it’s a fun and enjoyable experience.

You get 3 times the benefit in doing this by not just meeting someone but making a new friend, making a positive impact on their day, and they would gladly send you 3 referrals next week as they learn about what you do for a living because they know anyone they send to you will get treated with the same respect.

It’s amazing how much of an impact we can make on those around us by truly connecting with people

I’m currently reading Chad Hymas’s new book, “Doing what must be done” and it’s one of the most inspiration books I’ve ever read.
Here is an amazing video by Chad about connecting with people.

Leave a comment if had a connection on what inspired you most about this video,